booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
