he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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