I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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