and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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