and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize