Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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