I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
