He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
