i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
