Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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