you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Alive.
So much puke
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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