my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize