please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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