i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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