you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
