I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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