so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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