ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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