I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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