Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the day after is always just damage control
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
