I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
