is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
