Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
