i don't like sucking hair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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