a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
