And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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