I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
