that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
