I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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