insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
