she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
