I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
