it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
