So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
