So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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