is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
