Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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