You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
