to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
