I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
