I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
