Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wear drunk well.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
