Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
