In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize