Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
