We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
