New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
