after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
