he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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