Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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