his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
