Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
