my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.