Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.