I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...