So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
