Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry about my life...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
