Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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