doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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