Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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