You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
