we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
