Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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