if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
