She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
