she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize