I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
