you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
