Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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