I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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