I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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