question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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