Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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