I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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