You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
