Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
