oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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