p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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