Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize