everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
